Things I Never Thought I'd Say (Or Hear)

I just had this thought.  I should keep a running list of all the comments that come out of my mouth.  Things I never realized I would have a need to say.  For instance, this is the comment that came out of my mouth this morning that launched the idea.

• "You have to wash your hands after you hold slugs."  Said to Lachlan (4.5yrs old) after he captured a slug that he wanted to give to Jeff for his birthday.  September 24, 2013
• "Don't sit on her face." Said to Peter (2.5 yrs old) as he tried to sit on Lucy's face while Grandpa Neil had her upside down.  September 25, 2013  

Along the way I realized, I hear some pretty funny things too.  Both things I say and things I hear will be recorded here.

• "See, if you exercise you get hair!" Lachlan exclaims as he points out his arm hair after doing a few push ups.  Another reason not to exercise I suppose.  November 4, 2013
• "We are going to have to wait until morning to look for them, it's hard to find crabs at night."  Said to Peter as we were laying in bed trying to fall asleep.  Peter was pretending that his two hands were baby crabs and they were looking for their Mommy and Daddy.  November 7, 2013
• "That's why you shouldn't put your head in there." Peter said to Lucy after she examined his "work" while he was sitting on the potty doing his business and responded "yuck".  November 13, 2013 
• "GIVE ME BABY JESUS!" shouted in anger by Lachlan towards Peter.  Peter was collecting the Nativity pieces in his Santa hat and Lachlan was trying to set it up while sitting at the table.  He asked once nicely, but Peter didn't respond.  All I could do was laugh, because honestly, it's one of the last things you would think you would hear coming out of an almost 5 year old boy in such anger.

I am finding that many of the things I say, aren't necessarily blog appropriate.  They include instructions on what to do and not to do with the male anatomy.  Let's maybe come up with a new name for it, or not so new name that sounds better, like willy.

•  "I wouldn't do that, you might get a sliver in your willy."  Said to Peter as he put a rough wooden stick between his legs while bare bottomed and was pretending to ride it like a horse.  
• Lachlan says to Peter "When you grow big like Daddy do you want to milk a cow at Skippy's house?" Peter replies "I am a small boy, so I can milk a small cow." "Well, we are just going to have to find you a small cow." says Lachlan.  December 29, 2013
• Peter was acting really fearful when we were going to bed.  He was worried about flying things and didn't want the lights turned down.  So I prayed with Peter.  We were talking about how Jesus is always with us and in our heart.  How he will protect us.  Peter said, "yeah, and Jesus will come out of my heart, and he will fart and scare away the flying things."  He pauses "and that is very funny."  I know that Jesus was a perfect man, so does that mean he never farted?  February 25, 2014 
• "Don't hit the TV with the lizard."  said to Peter as he repeatedly swung his rubber lizard and hit the television with it.  April 22, 2014
• "Once toilet paper goes in the toilet it doesn't come back out."  said to Peter by me as he was sitting on the potty with the end of the roll of paper in the toilet and slowly rolling it back up. May 16, 2014 
• "Keep the flippers away from the baby." said to Lachlan as he ran around the house with adult flippers on his hand.  July 7, 2014 
• "I'm not magical, so I can't turn into a boogeres." Said by Peter in response to Lachlan.  Lachlan had told him not to get mad or he would turn into a booger.  September 15, 2014 
• "As soon as I find a squirrel, I am going to give him a nut." Pause "As soon as I find a nut." Peter talking to himself on the way to co-op this morning. (3 yrs 8 months old) October 30, 2014 
• "Noah likes to say no all the time, that's why he's called Noah." Said by Peter, 3 yrs 9 months, November 15, 2014 
• "He can't walk when one of his nippleses are slimeded." said by Peter in reference to his Lego Dublo Rooster after Adam grabbed it and slimed it.  He called the bump on the top of the Lego a nipple.  January 14, 2015
• "Peter what are you drawing?" - Lachlan says.  "I am drawing a picture of you holding your guinea pig . . ." ah, I think, so sweet.  Then Peter continues "and holding your penis."  WHAT!?!?!  I had to laugh.  February 23, 2015 
• "Don't roll your egg on the seaweed."  Jeff said to Peter as we made seaweed chips as part of our Mother Goose Time lesson on ocean plants which happened to fall on the day after Easter. April 6, 2015
• "An octopus can grow it's arm back" I hear Peter say.  "Is Daddy an octopus?" Jeff asks. (Peter shakes head no)  "Then please don't cut off my fingers.  They won't grow back."  This conversation occurred while they were cutting up the seaweed for seaweed chips.   April 6, 2015
• Peter, playing with his turtle stuffy has him slowly crawly along the floor "I don't like going fast, it freaks me out." June 22, 2015 
• "Don't hit him in the face with a sting ray."  This said to Peter as he was winging a stuffed sting ray to try to hit his little brother. October 23, 2015 
• "I'm an ogre kitty, I eat shrimp." said by Peter.  Lachlan and Peter were in an intense make believe play, I couldn't quite keep up with who and what they were.  But this one line stood out to me.  November 20, 2015 
• "You're not allowed to touch anyone's private parts, not even with a whale."  Said to Lachlan, the rest is probably self explanatory.  January 6, 2016 
• "Lachlan! Next time you come in the house I need you to bring in your wig and your sock!"  Wait a second, did I just say that?  Lachlan had his clown wig out from using it as a nest for his water balloon pets and a sock out because he used it as his water balloons clothes.  April 20, 2016 
• Peter comes to the back door upset about his brother splashing him with mud.  I saw the mud but I also noticed that his skin was blue all the way around his mouth.  I asked him, why are you blue.  "Because I have been getting sad a lot today."  Knowing that being blue, can't actually turn you blue I further investigated to find out that he had been using a cup as a megaphone that he had colored blue with a marker and it had rubbed off.  But I thought Peter had an interesting take on it. June 16, 2016 Peter 5
• "You will have to put your wand down, your going to need two hands."  said to Adam as were will filling the watering can to water flowers.  June 12, 2017 Adam 3
• I was explaining to Adam that we didn't need to water the flowers too much because it looked like God was going to water the rest with rain.  Just then, our neighbor rode up on his bike.  Adam says to me "Is that God?"  June 12, 2017, Adam 3
• The boys are out front collecting rocks. Lachlan finds a red rock that needed some washing. Peter then comes in with his rocks and washes them as well. He comes to me astonished, "Mom, it's a color changing rock! It turned black." Eyes wide, mouth open. I'm thinking to myself, well that's just what a wet rock looks like but I didn't want to burst his bubble, so I didn't say anything. Just then Lachlan chimes in "uh yeah, that's what all rocks do."